Just one of those days

Today, I am having a "what the heck am I doing with my professional life" kind of day. I do not enjoy these days. I probably have one at least once a month give or take the time of year. These days come more frequently during hiring months for teachers. It's December, not so much a huge hiring month unless a teacher is leaving for maternity leave or retirement. Maybe it's an early-thirties-lack-of-job crisis. What ever you want to call it, it is bumming me out today.

In the past seven years since I finished my undergraduate education at WOU, I have had about two years 'official classroom' experience. I've substitute taught on an off during these seven years as well, but apparently substitute teaching does not equal classroom experience. Wouldn't it be nice if say two or even three years of subbing was equal to one year of 'official classroom' experience?? I would be sitting pretty then. SEVEN years is along time to not have a classroom job of my own.

I guess that if I break down the seven years it looks something like this: substitute taught as well as taught fitness (added PE class for the masses as I like to call it) for the first year, moved to Thailand and taught English to students of varying ages, levels and abilities for the next year, pretty much full time substitute for the next year and a half while I attended grad school, landed a part time temporary ESL instructor job for half a year during this time, went back to subbing yet again (not voluntarily, still trying desperately to be hired on fulltime) and realized that I couldn't take the stress of unguaranteed substitute work any longer so I became a part time nanny to supplement my income for a year, became absolutely exhausted, frustrated and a bit disheartened to answer the same question as a sub- 'Still haven't found a teaching job yet Rachael? I'm glad we still have you for a sub' that I had to step away from subbing except in the rare pre-planned case with teachers I call friends and took on another family to nanny for during the seventh year. I feel better when I lay it all out like that. It makes me look like less of a giant failure.

This is not meant to be a poor Rachael post. Honestly, I just feel better venting my frustrations about not being hired as a classroom teacher in Portland every once in awhile. Helps to get rid of negative-down-on-myself energy. Last year, I was offered two jobs teaching in Vegas, but the year had already started (it was October) and the timing just didn't seem right. Some days, I think that I should have taken one of these. I've been offered a few teaching jobs at smaller schools locally, but these jobs would have been hardly different than what I am doing now, working with infants, for less money. Thanks, but no thanks.

When ever I'm feeling bummed about not having a teaching job, I try to list out all the things I DO have and when all is said and done, I'm thankful for what I have in my life:) I'm lucky that I have my health-since I still don't have health insurance, for a family and boyfriend that loves, supports and makes me feel as though I am anything, but a failure-it means more than you know, for enough money to have a roof over my head, a car to drive, and the ability to live my life mostly how I would like, for two rabbits who let me snuggle them on bad days, and for regular work and paychecks so that I don't develop an ulcer due to stress. I'm pretty lucky I guess :) Maybe it is just going to take me a full decade to land my dream job...I guess I can try for three more years. After that though I'm embracing a nomadic life or moving away again to teach in another country :)